40 weeks 2 days – Baby
35 years 2 months 22 days – Me
Child birth is a scary thing – there, I said it. It takes an entire pregnancy to pep-talk yourself into being mentally prepared for this event, ok well at least for me anyway.
When you are adamant about wanting to go natural (no pain meds) and know that you’ve done it before pep-talking yourself is just reminding yourself how badass you are – that you’ve already done this – lots of women have done this – and you are gonna rock this.
You work your ass off all pregnancy to make sure you only gain the recommended weight and nothing more, you keep highly active by weight lifting, which results in a much easier pregnancy (no back pain, no hip pain, limited weight gain, perfect blood pressure.)
And THEN you make the mistake of telling yourself you are going to “go early.” It’s the second pregnancy after all – don’t most moms go early after the first? You get closer and closer to your due date and have to go see the doctor. She drops the bomb that because of “advanced maternal age” it’s recommended that women over 35 deliver between 39-40 weeks….and anyone older than that even earlier.
Excuse me? “Advanced Maternal Age?” I’m 35 – people live until their 80s and beyond, so technically I’m not even “middle aged” let alone “advanced.” I’m healthy as a horse both not pregnant and now pregnant.
Pregnancy already has a lot of scary things to deal with – simply getting through first trimester – waiting to hear that first heart beat and see that blob on the monitor confirming, “yes, in fact you do have a baby growing inside of you” – to all the testing for genetic disorders, anatomy testing to make sure everything is included and where it’s supposed to be, and now because of “advanced maternal age” the risk of stillbirth if it goes too far past the due date?
Nobody wants to hear stillbirth after carrying a full term pregnancy – I didn’t do all this work for a miserable ending.
So, the doctor talks to you about induction – and then your already crazy and hormonal self looks at all the complications that could potentially come with that. What if my body doesn’t respond to the drugs that are supposed to induce? What if the doctor breaks my water and I don’t advance on my own and I’m forced into an emergency c-section? Yeah, yeah, yeah I know, women get c-sections all the time (for all different reasons) and their babies end up healthy and everyone ends up healthy in the end.
Well I DON’T WANT A C-SECTION – and I’m not going to apologize for that – it scares the living crap out of me. No, it has NOTHING to do with returning to my fitness routine or how my body will look postpartum – it has EVERYTHING to do with being cut open. SURGERY – MAJOR surgery! I’ve made it to 35 years old with wisdom teeth as my only “major” surgery – I’ve never been in a cast for a broken bone, never needed stitches, never needed ANY kind of invasive, cut me open to fix or correct anything, (besides my teeth) kind of surgery, (and THAT scared me back then!)
Thankfully, my doctor is willing to work with me – because I only turned 35 in October it’s not as much of an issue, I guess, as if I had already been 35 at time of conception. So, for now I opted to give my body some more time and am scheduled for a Non-stress test on Friday (tomorrow) to monitor fetal movement. Maybe I go into labor on my own before then or maybe I don’t – if not we schedule another NST for Monday or Tuesday of next week and then if I STILL have not gone on my own we will schedule the induction for either Tues or Wed of next week at 41 weeks.
While I appreciate everyone checking in on me with their “labor inducing” ideas, for now I need to just focus on getting positive again about this experience. I don’t want to hear about how “awful” induction is – how your best friend’s cousin ended up in a c-section because of her induction – or how bad the contractions are from pitocin.
I need to get back to that feeling of “I can friggen do this” no matter what or how it happens. I need to relax my body – reduce the mental stress – I need to enjoy the last few days with “my boys” and spend as much time playing with and snuggling my son – even if that means watching Sing it, Elmo for the 100th time this week.
Next update to come after the NST – unless of course I go into labor on my own – send positive vibes please.
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